


Is he serious right now?

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Series: How to woo your local barista [16]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Human, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Barista Raphael, Demisexual Raphael Santiago, Double Dating, Established Relationship, Homoromantic Raphael Santiago, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pansexual Simon Lewis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:39:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7964599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I think it would be delightful to have a double date, actually. Come on, we order take-out, watch some movies and have a nice chat," Magnus said, dismissing Simon's suggestion completely. He looked at Alec and stepped a little closer, softly bumping their shoulders and it was fascinating to watch how the taller boy lifted his gaze, his whole demeanour shifting when he laid eyes on his boyfriend; Alec's eyes softened, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and Magnus practically beamed back at him. It was weirdly sweet, actually.</p><p>"And I think it would be <em>delightful</em> if we could <em>not</em> do this and have our separate dates because this is awkward as hell already," Raphael commented drily and him and Simon might be all lovey-dovey as well all the time was it was a completely different thing to watch you best friend make heart eyes at his partner right in front of you. Also, he kind of expected Magnus to spend the whole evening openly flirting with Alec non-stop, probably throwing in a few innuendos here and there, and be all over his boyfriend. Raphael did not need to witness this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is he serious right now?

"I guess this turned into a double date then, huh?" Magnus seemed a little too delighted considering the fact that he and Raphael had failed to communicate that they both had planned today's dates to be in their apartment. They had just assumed the other would head to their respective boyfriend's place and now here they all had ended up in the same place. Raphael admittedly suspected that it wasn't as accidental as his best friend made it out to be but good luck trying to get Magnus to confess.

"Well, you could still go or we leave for my place," Simon pointed out and it seemed like everyone except for Magnus felt a little awkward about the situation. Alec stood in the hallway, shoulders hunched a little and practically seemed like he tried to become invisible by simply not moving. It was beyond Raphael how this boy could be with his best friend; Magnus had such an outgoing and cheerful personality while Alec seemed like all of humanity annoyed him most of the time and he tried to draw as little attention to himself as possible. At least that's what Raphael had gathered from the few times he had met the freakishly tall guy.  _Seriously, how could anyone be such a giant?!_

"I think it would be delightful to have a double date, actually. Come on, we order take-out, watch some movies and have a nice chat," Magnus said, dismissing Simon's suggestion completely. He looked at Alec and stepped a little closer, softly bumping their shoulders and it was fascinating to watch how the taller boy lifted his gaze, his whole demeanour shifting when he laid eyes on his boyfriend; Alec's eyes softened, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and Magnus practically beamed back at him. It was weirdly sweet, actually.

"And I think it would be  _delightful_  if we could  _not_  do this and have our separate dates because this is awkward as hell already," Raphael commented drily and him and Simon might be all lovey-dovey as well all the time was it was a completely different thing to watch you best friend make heart eyes at his partner right in front of you. Also, he kind of expected Magnus to spend the whole evening openly flirting with Alec non-stop, probably throwing in a few innuendos here and there, and be all over his boyfriend. Raphael did not need to witness this.

"Don't be that way. It's going to be fun," his best friend replied with a cheerful smile before his eyes suddenly narrowed and his gaze shifted from Raphael to Simon and back again.

"Wait...why are you so insistent on not having us around? Oh my god! Did you plan on  _doing it_  and we're cock-blocking you??"

Silence settled over the little group and while Raphael felt his cheeks heat up only a little, he saw that Simon and Alec both blushed very obviously at this quite blunt question.

"I wasn't aware that people above the age of 12 refer to intercourse as  _do it_. Also, no, we just want wanted to spend the evening together without nosy people making everything awkward with their uncalled-for questions," Raphael deadpanned with an annoyed little huff and crossed his arms in front of this chest, frowning at Magnus.

"And what 17-year-old uses the term  _intercourse_?" Magnus shot back and Raphael wondered why  _this_  was what they started arguing about and not the fact that his best friend was  _embarrassing as hell_.

"Wait, don't answer this. Anyway, go sit in the living room and I'll be right back." Magnus made a shooing motion and Simon looked at his boyfriend, a silent question in his eyes, but Raphael only sighed with a tiny shrug and curled his fingers around the other's hand, pulling him into the living room. He would certainly regret not insisting on leaving for Simon's place but how could this evening get any worse than Magnus asking them if they had planned to have sex tonight? And they had, in fact, not planned on sleeping with each other. Firstly, because it would be weird to set a date for their first time instead of letting it develop naturally and secondly, they had barely done more than kissing. They did have another little make-out session after the first one but still fully clothed and they had stopped before it could get too heated. Jumping right into having sex, assuming that Magnus was probably talking about the all-the-way kind of sex, would certainly not be the logical next step in his opinion.

"Is he going to be like this for the whole evening?" Simon inquired, mumbled right to his lover's ear, after they sat down on the only couch, a two-seater, in the living room while Alec chose one of the two armchairs to slump into. Magnus' boyfriend didn't seem too happy about the crushed date either but it seemed like he wasn't one to voice his displeasure about the situation. Well, his face was pretty clear about it anyway.

"He might, yeah. But we could still leave for your place if he keeps on acting like this," Raphael murmured in return and intertwined his fingers with Simon's, gently squeezing his hand.

When Magnus joined them shortly after it was with an "Always be safe, kids" and Raphael barely managed to catch the object thrown at him before it could smack him in the head. He frowned and his eyebrows climbed a little higher on his forehead at the sight of the tube of lube in his hand.  _For the love of God..._

"Are you--Is he serious right now?" Simon questioned and decided to direct the question at his boyfriend rather than the mischievously grinning Magnus who decided to just plop down in Alec's lap who wrapped his arms around the other's middle in return. Raphael stared at the tube, his mouth hanging slightly open, and then looked up to meet Simon's incredulous gaze.

"I'm afraid so," Raphael sighed and scrunched up his face, trying to not give in to the temptation to throw the tube back at Magnus and hopefully hitting him in the head. His cheeks felt a little warm and despite the dimmed light he could see his lover wasn't exactly better off. Their first dates had been pretty awkward but this one certainly took the cake, also thanks to a  _certain someone_. Said someone was now reaching for the remote to turn on the TV and choose a movie for them to watch.

"Of course, I am. I would offer you some rubbers as well but I only have a few of Alec's size around and I highly doubt it would fit any of you," Magnus remarked casually like he was talking about the weather and not condoms while mentioning the size of his lover's dick. Alec was beet-red in a matter of seconds, Simon's expression was a weird mix of horrified amusement and embarrassment, while Raphael was very close to just apologise for Magnus' whole existence and that they had to endure any of this.

"How about you  _shut up_?! Just...put on a movie and stop this whole topic or I swear I will smother you in your sleep!" Raphael glared at his best friend -  _seriously,_ why _was he friends with this embarrassing maniac?!_  - and finally placed the damn tube on the coffee table. Of course, Magnus just laughed but he didn't say any more about this, just pressed a sweet, apologetic kiss to his boyfriend's temple before finally picking some horror movie. This was by far the worst start to a date ever and Raphael would probably rather stab his eye with a fork than ever having a double-date with his best friend  _ever again_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry? *laughs* I just had to squeeze another random chapter in and I know it's quite ridiculous but I wouldn't even put it past Magnus to act like this. I should probably write another chapter with him in the future where he acts like a normal human being otherwise it might be a little questionable why Raphael is still friends with him...


End file.
